I’m big on self-development books (and self-development in general), and have a real addiction to buying more and more books off Amazon, even though I have a growing untouched collection. Yet despite the new books I’m adding to my collection constantly, I find my self going back to reference and re-read a few key favorites. These books profoundly shifted the way I see the world, and I’m so grateful for them.

THE GIFTS OF IMPERFECTION by Brene Brown 

A must read if: You struggle with perfectionism / opening up & being vulnerable / never feeling “enough”

If you’re not familiar with Brene Brown’s work, definitely start by checking out her TED Talk – it gives a good primer on her work, and left me speechless when I first watched it in college. The Gifts of Imperfection may be the book with the single biggest impact on my life. To give a quick overview of the book, Brene discusses how a sense of belonging and connection are essential human needs, but many of us struggle with our worthiness for it. Many of us “hustle for our worthiness by constantly performing, perfecting, pleasing and proving”.  We walk around with shame (the feeling that we are so deeply flawed we are unlovable) that prevents us from living as our authentic selves.

We believe that only when we are skinny enough, pretty enough, smart enough, funny enough, successful enough, THEN we will be worthy of love and belonging (aka the toxic mindset of perfectionism). When in reality, the only way to truly have a deep sense of love and belonging is to truly accept yourself, to believe you are enough exactly as you right this moment (still something that is hard for me) and be open and vulnerable in relationships (with friends, family members, romantic partners).

As someone who used wear the title the “perfectionist” as a badge of honor, this book flipped a lot of what I believed on its head. It shined much needed light on the deeply engrained thought patterns I was unconsciously living with and projecting into every aspect of my life, from relationships to career. It was also comforting (in a weird way?) to know that this perfectionism mindset is common among adults who were high-performing kids (we were unconsciously taught that praise (and love) comes when we achieve something, rather than being loved for who we are – flaws and all).

THE UNIVERSE HAS YOUR BACK by Gabby Bernstein 

A must read if: you’re interested in spirituality / changing your perspective

One of my best friends (shout out Laura) introduced me to Gabby Bernstein’s work a couple years ago, and I’ve been a huge fan ever since. Much of Gabby’s philosophy is based on A Course in Miracles, but she makes the content very relevant and relatable for a millennial audience. In The Universe Has Your Back, Gabby emphasizes developing a real trust with the universe (God, higher power, whatever that means to you). She talks about how when we truly trust and surrender to the universe, we can live in state of flow and ease. We’re so conditioned to think that “pain has a purpose” and that a meaningful and successful life requires struggle, and Gabby takes the opposite point of view – if you’re living in that state of flow and connection with the universe, why shouldn’t miracles be natural?

She emphasizes developing awareness of when your viewing the world from a place of a fear, and asking the universe to help you see it through love. She’s also big on manifesting, and taking responsibility for your words and thoughts, and taken ownership of how you perceive the world. This book helped me focus on trusting that there’s a bigger plan for me, and I don’t need to be afraid or anxious, because as she says, the universe has my back. One of my favorite lines from the book is “the light has come”. The light is already here. You have everything you need to be happy now, not when you have the perfect body or get the job or find the right partner, now.

LOVE IS LETTING GO OF FEAR by Gerald G. Jampolsky

A must read if: you want to improve your relationships (with anyone) and your general peace of mind

Another book based on A Course in Miracles, this one presents the content in a super straight-forward, easy to understand way. It’s broken down into 12 lessons, and even includes pictures. Probably the main premise of this book is that there are only two real emotions: love and fear. And at all times we’re either acting from a place of love or a place of fear. As you can probably guess, most people are operating from a place of fear wayyy more often than from a place of love.

This simple concept helped me to check myself when I’m a place of fear (that could be feeling anxious, angry, jealous, defensive – its all fear), and try to turn it around. It also really helps to remember that in all interactions -if someone is being mean, or combative, or blaming, it’s just because they are in a place of fear, and their actions are really just a call for help. Now of course, all of this is WAY easier said than done, I’m not some endlessly compassionate saint, but it gives me a framework to try to be better. Another one of my favorite points from this book is that we’re responsible for the world we see and the emotions we feel. Nothing and no one is making us feel anything – it’s all our own perception, which we control.

What are some of your favorite, life-changing books?